


I miss you.

by Wiccan507



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Happy, Humor, Letters to John Stilinski, Sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-13
Updated: 2015-01-13
Packaged: 2018-03-07 10:11:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3171002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wiccan507/pseuds/Wiccan507
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Claudia Stilinski knows she's going to die. Call it instinct or psychic powers but she knows. So she starts writing, she writes as many letters as she can in the hopes that there will be one for every possible situation in the future. She just wants to help her husband raise their son whether she's there physically or not.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I miss you.

When Claudia Stilinski started getting sick she just knew that she wasn’t going to survive. It wasn’t that she’d given up hope or decided that this was is it because she hadn’t. She hoped with every part of her that she was wrong because if she was right then she wouldn’t see her little boy grow up. And she wanted to watch him grow up more than anything. And just like she’d been sure her baby was a boy she was sure she wasn’t going to survive whatever it was.

Of course she was right. It was an odd thing to be smug about but she was right. Frontotemporal dementia. She’d never heard of it, in fact even her doctor looked like he hadn’t heard of it. Not that it really mattered after that, it was going to kill her and there wasn’t anything she could do about that. Things just seemed to slow down and speed up at all the same time after that. The days went faster and she slowly got sicker. And everything else just got harder. All of the simple things she’d been able to do before just caused her pain and exhausted her. And her beautiful boy tried his best to help her, tried everything to heal her. She so badly wanted to tell him that everything was going to be okay but she couldn’t bring herself to lie to him. She didn’t want to fill him with hope that she’d be there forever when she couldn’t even drive him to school anymore.

It wasn’t meant to be anything. It was just something she did when she couldn’t stop thinking. She wrote down all of her thoughts and tried to unscramble them all, sometimes there were things missing and for the life of her she could never seem to figure out what. The letters just started piling up, each one of them for her husband, each filled with something that might help him. Maybe they would confuse him more but she hoped more than anything that something would help. She needed to cover everything, she had to make sure that she could help her son no matter what happened to him.

Her last letter was too him, it was written before she lost who she was. It was written with all the love she could gather before she stopped knowing who they were. She just hoped that everything she wrote would make sense to them.

++++++++++

            It’s nearly two years before John finds the letters. Honestly he found them by accident. They were at the bottom of his closet in a large brown photo box. He can’t even remember what he was looking for in the first place, just remembers kicking the box as he searched. And they there were, Stiles Claudia and himself squashed together on a blanket for the picture. It was a picture he hadn’t seen in years, thought he’d pushed it to the back of the attic with the rest of her things. The picture breaks his heart, it’s been a long time since he saw his son smile like that. He sits down heavily on the side of his bed and just holds it. The idea of more pictures inside, of seeing her face again- well it simultaneously destroys and heals him.

It’s not more pictures inside, possibly something so much worse. There sitting at the top of a pile in Claudia’s curvy handwriting is his name in the middle of a yellowed envelope. It’s been two years and he knows it could have been twenty and he still wouldn’t be prepared to see what it says inside. But the letters below force him on, each labelled with something different and he’s not doing it for himself. This is what his wife wanted for their son, even if she didn’t have time to tell him about it.

 

_John,_

_I’m not really sure where to start. I write so much but my mind is so full and messy and I just don’t know what to tell you. I could tell you that I love you with everything I am, or that I have loved you ever since you pulled up to the side of the road and fixed my car for me. Or that I knew I wanted to marry you the moment you smiled at me. There’s so much I could tell you but I have a feeling you already know all of that._

_One thing I do know is you’re gonna need all of these letters. You might not use all of them but you might need them. So keep them anyway._

_I don’t know why I waited so long to write this letter because I can’t think straight and I’m terrified that tomorrow I won’t even know who you are. But this was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to write. I wish I had something more romantic or good to say._

_You make my head less messy. You make me feel like I’m still me._

_I miss you._

John Stilinski had stayed strong for his son for the better part of two years. He’d thrown himself in to work and he’d drank when things got too hard. But there wasn’t a drink in the world that could have numbed the way his heart ripped open at the words. He clutched the letter to his chest and let out everything he’d been holding in. The box fell to the floor and he should pick them up and make sure there safe but not tonight. Tonight he shuffles closer to Claudia’s side of the bed and pretends he can still smell the perfume on the sheets.

“I miss you too.”

++++++++++

            When Stiles is eleven his crush on Lydia Martin seemed to peak. His son was completely and totally infatuated with the girl and he just didn’t know what to do about it. So he turned to the box, if he was honest he wasn’t expecting anything, but it was worth a try. So imagine his surprise when he came across the letter innocently labelled Lydia Martin.

 

_John._

_I don’t know how old Stiles will be when you finally open this letter but I imagine it will be soon. You were never great with your own feelings god knows how you expect to deal with his._

_Lydia Martin is going to be a force of nature. Don’t ask me how I know I just do. That little girl looks more powerful than any seven year old should. Our baby as smart as he is doesn’t know the real her. He loves what he sees._

_Tell him to talk to her. Become friends with her. He’s allowed more than Scott. And if that Jackson boy picks on him anymore you tell him to punch him right in the nose._

_I still miss you._

A laugh escapes his mouth and he can’t help but smile at the letter. It’s just so...Claudia. He can try the advice, he has a feeling that Stiles won’t listen to him but he can try it.

++++++++++

            At fourteen Stiles is determined to have a pet. A snake. He’s not even really sure what to say to that. He didn’t even know that Stiles like snakes. The letters have kind of become his go to thing.

 

_John,_

_Give the kid his pet._

_Unless it’s something like an emu or an alligator. And don’t get him anything that can escape. If it’s got legs don’t give it to him._

_A snake. Get him a snake. A small one though. And don’t let him trick you in to buying a big one._

_I still miss you._

Well he was never one to argue with his wife.

++++++++++

The damn kid tricked him.

And the thing escaped.

++++++++++

Surprisingly there’s a letter for when Stiles breaks his leg.

 

_John,_

_I don’t know who I’m more disappointed in. You because you weren’t watching him or Stiles because he should be more careful. Honestly the two of you are ridiculous. And I sincerely hope this happened in the summer holidays so that you would both suffer._

_And maybe learn a lesson._

_I still miss you._

He’s not really sure how old Claudia thought Stiles would be when he broke his leg but it definitely wasn’t 16. Although it was at the start of the summer holidays and John is starting to wonder if his wife was psychic. He really hopes not considering she’s got a letter for an assortment of broken bones.

++++++++++

There are a lot of different letters in the box. Ones he hopes he’ll never have to open (Frontotemporal Dementia), one’s he’s pretty sure if they haven’t happened now they’re not going to (Right mind, Wrong Body), and the one’s he absolutely never in his life would think happen only has (Criminal Record).

_John,_

_So our baby’s a criminal. God I hope it was you that arrested him.  I can only imagine the look on his face._

_Whatever it was I’m sure it wasn’t too bad. And if it was anything to do with that Jackson kid then he probably deserved it._

_FREE THE INNOCENT._

_He probably gets his wild side from me. It’s probably time I came clean about something. When I was 14 I stole a bag of chips. I was the rebel in the family. Don’t go too hard on him._

_I always miss you._

A restraining order and grand theft auto and a possible kidnapping. At least the chips were safe though.

++++++++++

The impossible. It was about the closest letter he was gonna find to the supernatural.

_John,_

_Well I don’t know what you’ve got yourself in to if you’re opening this letter. All I can tell you is to just keep an open mind. There are things out there that have no explanation at all. Whatever it is that Stiles has got himself in to just help him through it, don’t fight him on it. You need to work together._

_Keep my boy safe._

_I miss you every day._

 

It was the easiest thing in the world to follow Stiles right in to the supernatural world. There was no way he was going to stand back and watch while his son threw himself in to danger. If he was jumping then John was jumping too.

++++++++++

Thank god his wife was the most organised person he’d ever known. He’s not sure he could have ever gotten through the sexuality crisis without her.

 

_John,_

_Stop freaking out. Now breathe. And listen to me. Our son is going to be okay. He is the smartest, fastest, bestest kid on the planet. I know you’re probably ten times more worried for his safety because I doubt that worlds changed all that much and people are still assholes but he’s gonna be okay._

_He is going to need you though! Cause knowing our son the only reason he’s having the crisis now (I’m betting he’s at least 17 maybe 18) instead of much earlier is because he’s finally pulled his head out of Lydia Martin’s ass._

_Am I right? Or am I right?_

_So whoever it is that is now the object of our beautiful boys affections just make sure he’s a good person. Don’t let Stiles fall in love with some douchebag that doesn’t know what they have or don’t have. He deserves so much more, make sure they understand him and that they protect him. Because I swear to god John Stilinski if you let my boy get taken advantage of by some leather wearing biker guy or some preppy asshole jock I will come back from the dead and kick your ass._

_Make sure Stiles knows that we will always love him, no matter what._

_I miss you so much._

Well she’s not wrong about the age and he’s definitely pulled his head out of Lydia’s ass. He’s not really sure what to do about the whole leather thing though. Maybe he can buy Derek a nice tanned leather jacket. Bikers don’t wear tanned jackets, do they?

++++++++++

He didn’t even bother broaching the subject with Stiles first, just went straight to the box.

 

_John,_

_God I really hope he's like 25 when you open this or at least legal. Please let him be legal. He's not legal is he? I know it's hypocritical since neither of us were legal but...never show him this letter. If he asks I was 21 and you were 25. It's a believable age for you honey, we both know you were funny looking._

_Just don't try and sit him down for a conversation. That'll only weird the both of you out. If you are absolutely sure he's about to or is having sex then buy him condoms. Just let him know that you're okay with it without sitting him down. And DO NOT sit him down with the person he is sleeping with. That path will only lead to you seeing me much sooner than I would like._

_Just in case you might want to buy him some lube too. Just put them on his pillow or something. And if you really want to you can buy him a book to explain the basics._

_I miss you but not this conversation._

 

Well there was no question about it. He's going to follow his wife's advice to the letter.

++++++++++

There's been fighting. Not between him and Stiles, no between Stiles and Derek. He's probably not supposed to hear it or even know about them but he catches things. Words like 'college' and 'too young'.

There is one fight that he definitely knows he's not supposed to know about and he can hear it before he even enters his house. He doesn't hear the full thing, he missed the beginning and he has no idea about the middle but he's there for the end and he can't help but wonder if these were the harsher words spoken. Derek storms out first Stiles behind him, telling him that if he leaves now there done that he won't be back. And Derek- well Derek tells him that that's all he wanted.

He has no idea what to do so he does what he always does and goes to the box. The only thing there is fights and he hopes that there's something because he just doesn't know what else there is.

 

_John,_

_Okay I've split this up in to two parts. Physical fights, all depend on the reason behind it. If it's douchemore then I'm okay with it, you know I can hold a grudge John and I will forever hold one on him. If he's fighting for the hell of it then feel free to go to the extreme of putting him in a holding cell. If he's helping people then just see if he wants to do boxing or kick-boxing or weight training or something._

_Emotional fights. I'm gonna be honest with you these are going to be worse than the physical. The physical stuff will heal but the emotional stuff, once it's out there you can't take it back. Whatever it is that's happened you won't be able to heal it, I know you want to and you probably want to kill someone right now but it won't help him. Just hug him and let him cry on you if he needs to._

_I miss you more than there is water on the planet._

 

Stiles doesn't tell him anything about the fight. In fact he barely mentions Derek Hale but he does curl up beside him on the couch and cry in to his shoulder.

++++++++++

A vital part of every students high school experience. That's what Stiles recites back to him after Lydia had shown up to tell him he was going to prom.

 

_John,_

_Neither of us went to prom._

_Your guess about it is as good as mine._

_Just tell him that he can go if he wants but he doesn’t have to._

_And erm..._

_Take whoever you want or go alone._

_I miss you and your dance moves._

 

He's not really sure what to do after that. He gives Stiles the limited advice and buys him a suit. He really wishes there'd been more on the letter because he's totally not prepared for Derek Hale knocking on the door. The man's dressed in a fitting suit and he looks like a model, which is just ridiculous. Stiles stops at the top of the stairs and John can practically feel his heart stuttering to a stop. Neither of them move they just stare at each other and John wonders about that look. Wonders just how long it's been on both of their faces.

They seem to come to some sort of non-verbal agreement and Stiles walks down the stairs, hooks his arm through Derek's and they leave. For some reason it feels like an ending even to him. He really hopes he's wrong because that look, he and Claudia had that look.

++++++++++

He’d been expecting the heart break but for some reason it also came as a shock to him. Maybe it’s because after prom he thought they’d just make-up and everything would be forgotten. Maybe he was just denying what he knew for Stiles sake. Or maybe it was because he never expected to come home to find Stiles sitting on the couch and sobbing in to a shirt. It obviously wasn’t his, the shirt not bright or graphically decorated. And maybe he just never expected his son to look up at him, with eyes filled with tears and so much pain and whisper ‘he left.’

There were a lot of things he wanted to do in that moment, find Derek and make him see what he was doing, kill him, put wolfs bane in his coffee but the most important one was to hug him. Despite the family he had found, Derek Hale was very much alone in this world and John knew with every part of him that Derek loved his son as much as he loved Claudia. So he won’t hunt Derek down because the man will be hurting just as much as Stiles.

_John,_

_My own heart is breaking just writing this. The thought that anyone could cause my baby the pain that comes with heartbreak is nauseating. I have accepted that I am going to die but god I wish I could be there. I know there’s nothing I could have done but I hate this. I hate knowing that he’s going to go through all of this and I will never be there to comfort him. I’m never gonna be there to tell him that it’s okay and that heartbreak doesn’t last forever. But I know it feels like it does and it feels like his heart is being ripped from his chest but it won’t always feel like that. There is someone out there that deserves every part of him and this person, the one that hurt him they can’t be it. I hate whoever did this to me, whoever it was that chose this as my path I hate them so much. I love you and I love him and my heart aches with these words._

_I miss you both so much._

He cries as he reads it. He cries for his wife, his son and a boy that just left everything behind. And he just can’t find it in himself to stop.

++++++++++

His son is going to college. He’s moving out of the house and to all the way to Berkeley. Okay it was only a couple of hours away but it was going to be the first time they were going to be living more than five minutes from each other. And that distance was just how long it took John to get to Stiles bedroom.

 

_John,_

_I am so proud of him. I don’t think I’ve ever been this proud in my whole life. Well I was pretty damn close when you became The Sheriff of Beacon Hills. I’d love to know what he’s going for. I wish I knew what he was going to be doing at college. Is he moving far away? No I don’t think he would._

_I’m so excited for him. God I hope he meets so many new people and makes lots of friends. Please tell me his only friend isn’t Scott still. Not that I didn’t love Scott because I did. The boy was an absolute sweetheart and he’s going to help a lot of people, I can just feel it, but Stiles needs to branch out. He needs more than just Scott._

_Just make sure he’s safe and buy him a college emergency pack. Fill it with snack bars and put a couple of extra twenties in there. Oh and maybe revision cards and extra pens and a ruler you know just in case. Stationery is important and you know when he’s get on a train of thought it could go for hours, so maybe an extra pad of paper or two. Okay just buy him a box and fill it with spare stationary and don’t forget a first aid kid. And the money and snack bars. And make sure he has his pillow and put in an extra blanket it might be cold in his room._

_Just make sure he’s safe and enjoys college._

_I miss you._

His wife freaking out as much as he was made him feel a lot better. But there was one thing that his wife was finally wrong about and that was his friends. If she was here now he’s not really sure how he would explain all of this to her. How he would explain that his son and Lydia Martin are best friends. That he spends his Saturdays with her, Allison and Erica. And that every Wednesday his living-room is filled with Boyd, Isaac and Scott as they play Mario kart. And every Sunday The Pack used to crowd around Lydia’s dining-room table and do all of their schoolwork. Not that they need to do that anymore or can, they’ve split up over the country and he knows that last Sunday they spent two hours working out schedules to talk and skype. So he has no idea how he’d explain to his wife that Stiles has made a lot of friends but they’ve saved each other’s lives and he knows he couldn’t have picked better people for his son.

++++++++++

For some reason he hadn’t thought to open this particular letter when Stiles and Derek had started doing whatever it was they were doing. He’d been expecting them so he just hadn’t. It’s when Stiles shows him his boyfriend over Skype that he decides to pick up the letter. Not because he doesn’t like him or anything just because the man is so far from Derek. And he doesn’t mean specifically Derek he just means Stiles type. So far his type has been ridiculously attractive unattainable people and this guy just isn’t that. Not that he’s not attractive, he’s just not Derek or Lydia level and he’s also easily attained as he’s so clearly interested in his son that the Sheriff is just concerned that Stiles is running from some feelings.

 

_John,_

_I honestly can’t imagine why you need to open this letter. You were much better at dating than I was. So the only thing I can imagine is that Stiles is doing something he shouldn’t be or maybe someone he shouldn’t be. I’ve mentioned him in other letters but it better not be about dating leather jacket guy. Or is it about the leather jacket guy? Not dating him but someone instead of._

_God why couldn’t he date someone less threatening looking. I bet he’s tall, stubble, muscly and that jacket. The image is so murdery John. I know that’s not a word but it’s the only way to explain it. I’m describing Steven Hale! Except he has that car that ugly black thing. And I know what you’re going to say ’Claudia you only say that because he bumped the jeep’ well it wasn’t a bump John it wasn’t a bump. Maybe Stiles will be his Talia, she certainly cheered him up a lot and got him to stop wearing all that leather. They have such beautiful children, Laura looks so much like her mother. Derek he looks a lot like both of them, you know he is such a lovely boy, I’ve seen him helping old ladies cross the road. He’s not that much older than Stiles. Not that I’m suggesting anything._

_Anyway! I’ve gone so far off topic and I don’t have much longer to finish this. Stiles will be here soon. I want you to remember that Stiles loves with every part of him John. He has such a fierce love for people in his life and if someone doesn’t accept that love then there will be too extremes. One is complete and total adoration for them and the other will be pushing it down till it seems like they never existed. Neither is particularly healthy but just let him get it out of his system. Just make sure he’s careful about who he brings in to the picture. If he’s still in love with someone don’t let someone fall in love with him, they’ll only get hurt._

_I miss you always._

He and his wife had laughed a lot when she was alive but he’s never laughed harder than now. His stomach is hurting and his ribs feel like their breaking out of his chest, he’s laughed so much its silent as it comes out of his mouth and he might be going purple in the face. And it’s all to the thought of Claudia’s face if she knew she’s essentially just given the leather jacket wearing biker permission to be with her son.

++++++++++

He talks to Stiles boyfriend when he drives up one weekend.

He knows Stiles is in love with someone else.

He knows he could get hurt.

He just doesn’t care.

++++++++++

The jeep breaks down permanently in Stiles second year of college. His son is understandably devastated and John doesn’t know if he’s equipped to tell his son she’ll never work again.

 

_John,_

_I love the old girl but our boy needs something new. I’ve had her since she was a bright shade of blue and fresh out of the warehouse. It’s time to put her to rest._

_Get him something that’s his own. Something with that new car smell and nothing red because apparently there is more red cars in accidents than any other colour car. He deserves to have a brand new car, and make sure it’s safer than the jeep. I love her but she’s a death trap. She doesn’t even have air bags. You know maybe it wasn’t a good idea to give her to him. Oh I’m sure it will be fine, you’re an excellent driver and I’m sure Stiles will be too._

_I miss you._

The jeep didn’t have air bags?

++++++++++

When Derek comes back in to town he’s not expecting the man to come to his house first. Of course he shouldn’t have been surprised, it’s been five years since he stepped in Beacon Hills and probably didn’t know who still lived here. Derek looks better. There’s a weight been lifted off his shoulders and the man’s eyes look less guilt filled. He’d been all over the world, living in different places and just trying to forgive himself. When that hadn’t worked he’d decided to help as many people as possible which is why he was back. He was looking for a job. There really wasn’t a letter for this and Derek wasn’t actually his son but he went for the closest one.

 

_John,_

_Changing jobs over night is not the best thing. I know you’re probably not happy about it but if it’s what he wants then let him do it. There comes a point in everyone’s life where they wonder if this is what they really want out of life. And if worst comes to worst he can work for you for a little while. Give him a chance John he just wants to find his place in the world._

_I miss you._

Well that was weirdly relevant to Derek. The man did have a lot of extra abilities that could help them on the force and he’d apparently passed the police academy with flying colours. God a lot changed in five years; maybe he should have made more of an effort to find out where Derek had gone. The man hugs him when he tells him there looking for new people and John wonders when the last time someone hugged Derek Hale.

++++++++++

He should have told Stiles that Derek was his new deputy.

It probably would have prevented his son from fainting in the doorway when his eyes landed on Derek.

And it definitely would have prevented Stiles from shouting at him later on.

The Sheriff doesn’t know who Stiles is angrier at though him for not telling him or Derek for just coming back.

++++++++++

They become something like friends. It hurts John to watch them pretend they aren’t in love with each other he can only imagine how it feels for Stiles boyfriend.

He wonders if he ever thought about this. If he imagined that one day the man Stiles loved would just randomly turn up or maybe after five years he got comfortable and thought he never would. Either way he has no idea what to say when Stiles tells him that he proposed. For a moment he’s insulted that he was never asked for permission but realises that he wouldn’t have said yes anyway.

The letter isn’t one he thought he’d have to open considering he was expecting Derek to be his sons Claudia.

 

_John,_

_So you don’t like his boyfriend. And I’m gonna take a wild guess and say they’re getting kind of serious. I can’t imagine you opening this letter for anything less than serious. Well I got some advice for you: There ain’t anything you can do about it. If you tell Stiles to stop seeing him then he will only see him harder. I speak from experience._

_My father hated you John. I know he didn’t seem like it but honey he did, all those fishing trips you went on, he was plotting your death. I don’t know why he hated you so much, maybe it was because you were a police man and he thought you were taking advantage of an innocent woman when she broke down by the side of the road. Or maybe it’s because you’re older. I don’t think he ever told me and well he did his best because he knew I loved you. So what you do next depends on the situation._

_Is his boyfriend a good guy but you just don’t like him because he’s dating our son? If so then deal with it because Stiles obviously likes him and that’s what matters._

_Is his boyfriend hurting our baby but he’s not telling you?  
Kick that bastard’s ass. _

_Is it absolutely nothing to do with the boyfriend and everything to do with someone else?  
Give him the letter that says The One. Talking this out with his mother might be easier. _

_I miss you both._

The letter is at the bottom of the box and he has no idea what it’s going to say but he hopes that she can help him better than he can. He’s also acutely aware that this is the first letter he’s ever shown his son or even told him about.

++++++++++

Stiles doesn’t really react when he hands him the letter. His eyes focus in on the curvy lines of his mother’s writing and he traces the letters with his finger. There’s not much else to say so he pats Stiles on the shoulder and leaves with a ‘Read it when you’re ready’.

 

_~~My Boy~~ _

_~~Baby~~ _

_~~Beaut~~ _

_~~Honey~~ _

_Stiles,_

_I never know how to start these letters to you. I wonder if this is the first letter from me you’ll read. I imagine it might be this or the one about following your passions. Your father was always the one who knew what he wanted to be in life. I changed my career so many times. Anyway that isn’t the point of this letter though._

_The One._

_I’m gonna tell you a secret. I had a one before I met your father, in fact I met your father two months after the one and I broke up. I was devastated sweetie, I thought he was everything and I felt like I would have died for him. In fact I thought part of me died when he left me. I just wasn’t my self anymore; every smile I gave my friends was fake, every time I was with my family I just wished I was with him. We were together for three years and one day he was just gone. Left me a note on my pillow saying he was sorry but he didn’t feel the same anymore._

_Two months passed and I was driving. I didn’t know where I just wanted to drive until I forgot who he was. I ended up in Beacon Hills and it was so beautiful, the preserve was amazing. The trees were starting to turn brown and I felt like I could relax. That was until my car broke down, the damn thing started smoking and I didn’t know what the hell to do. I sat there for twenty minutes and just shouted at the universe for hating me._

_I still remember it perfectly; I almost jumped out of my skin when a knock came on my window. I looked up and there was this young deputy just smiling at me. He was so handsome and god when he smiled it felt like everything was better. It wasn’t obviously, my car was still broken down and the man I loved had still left but John Stilinski just made it not matter so much._

_I stepped out of my car and I must have looked a mess baby, I’d been crying over the day and I was wearing my baggiest clothes. And he still looked at me like I was the most important thing in the world. I made such a fool out of myself; I don’t think I’ve ever been more awkward in my life. I was just stumbling all over the place and he was asking if I was alright and he put his hand on my arm. I stared at it for a good few minutes till he’d moved it and then he was stumbling over an apology and I just stood there because his eyes were just the most beautiful shade of blue/green._

_I’m aware I could have handled the situation much better than I did. Afterwards I thought off all of these things that I could have said or things I could have done. I probably would have looked like an idiot had I tried them so it’s probably better I didn’t. Your dad was the best person I could have met that day and I have never regretted meeting him._

_Lately I sometimes regret he met me. I’ve put him through so much with this damn illness and you as well and I hate it. I hate that I’m not there for you both and sometimes I want to go back and change it for him. But then I realise that you wouldn’t be in the world and that thought is worse than any sickness. You are so incredibly beautiful Stiles and I know you’ve met them. I know that you have the one, that person that you met and you just knew. I knew I wanted to marry John Stilinski the minute he asked me if I wanted him to take a look under my hood and I said you can look under my hood any day. And to this day I don’t know why I said it but he laughed and it was the most beautiful sound._

_And I don’t know if it’s some preppy jock, or a leather jacket wearing biker or Derek Hale (you might have to ask your dad about these specifics) but I know that the only reason you are reading this is because you’ve met them. Baby life is so long, but sometimes it gets cut short and you can’t waste a day pretending that they aren’t the person you want to spend the rest of it with._

_I miss you so much more than you will ever know. And I love you more than there are stars in the sky._

Stiles isn’t really sure what to do after that. His dad never told him how they met before and he’s not really sure what to do with the fact that his mom mentioned Derek by name. But there’s time to work everything out and he’s been holding on to Derek for nearly six years that letting him go now would be his biggest regret. He’s not really sure what he’ll tell his boyfriend but he thinks he might already know anyway. For now though he’s going to go upstairs and ask his dad to tell him stories.

++++++++++

It takes Stiles four days to move all of his stuff back in to his old room.

And it takes exactly twenty-two days after that to hear the sound of someone coming in through the window.

He’s oh so baffled by who it could be. 

++++++++++

It takes Derek three years to ask permission to marry his son.

And honestly how can he say no when the man’s already got permission from his wife.

Although he does slide a big white box across the table. He’s been waiting a long time to give it to him.

It’s a tanned leather jacket and the letter from his wife suggesting he date Stiles.

++++++++++

The last letter he ever opens is right before Stiles wedding. He’s spoken to both Stiles and Derek and there both incredibly excited to start their lives together.

 

_John,_

_This is it. I don’t think you’ll need me after this. I can’t believe he’s getting married. I have a speech! I wrote a speech and you don’t have to say it, but if you want to I would really like him to hear it. And his future husband (if I’m right you owe me twenty bucks)._

_When was the last time you came to see me John? This is the last letter and I know there’s more in the box and there for Stiles. I want you to give them to him from me. He’ll need advice along the way and maybe his guy will too. Anyway this is it from me so come see me and tell me everything._

_I miss you._

The wedding starts and John folds up the pieces of paper and tucks them in to his jacket pocket. The speech is written out for him and he’s probably gonna cry reading it but he doesn’t really care all that much.

++++++++++

He clinks a fork against the side of his glass and everyone in the room turns to look at him.

“I hope everyone is having a good night,” There are a few cheers around the room and he smiles at the sound. “For those of you that don’t know me I’m John Stilinski proud father to Stiles and proud father-in-law to Derek.” Stiles smiles at him from across the room and Derek looks like he’s already holding back tears. “I didn’t have a speech prepared tonight, I was supposed to but I didn’t know what the hell to say. Then I opened a letter my wife left me and she had a speech all written out. I guess she knew me well enough to prepare for a long time in the future. Okay so here goes.”

_Stiles first off I want to say that I love you so much and I am so sorry that I am missing this day. If I could be there baby I would, I would give up everything to be there for you. Especially to meet the man that has won your heart, and yes I am positive it is a man. Your father doesn’t think I’m right but call it a mother’s instinct._

_Like the instinct that tells me your dad didn’t have a speech prepared for tonight. He’s terrible at speeches, god you should have heard the one at our wedding. No wonder your grandfather hated him, sorry for bursting that bubble if your there dad. At least you can stop pretending._

_I had a wonderful life with your father. He made me so happy and I never thought I could be happier and then we had you. And my heart felt like it was going to burst with love for you. To Stiles husband you better take care of him and Stiles you take care of him too. Don’t worry too much about the fights when they come because Stiles I know you’ll probably panic and think it’s the end of the world. But it’s not. Just make sure your both happy because in the end that’s all that matters._

_You know this is gonna be so awkward if your dad was right and you married a woman. So just in case Stiles wife I’m sure you are a wonderful woman and I was totally kidding about thinking he was going to be interested in men._

“Well it’s a good thing you married Derek. Although I do owe my wife some money now. I’m not sure what else there is to say except that Claudia was taken from too soon and I miss her every day. I want you two to cherish every moment you have because there so important. My wife hasn’t been here to see everything you’ve been through but I have never seen so much love between two people. Derek to my wife Stiles is your Talia and to me you are Stiles Claudia. I know that might not make much sense to you but we knew your parents and your father was a lot like you before he fell in love with your mom. I love you both very much and I’m so happy you found each other. To Stiles and Derek.” There was a chorus of their names around the room and John took his seat till the speeches were finished.

When everyone was finished and enjoying their time together John stood, grabbed the box from the table and made his way to Stiles and Derek. The two men made to stand but he waved them off and set the large brown photo box on the table.

“This box contains all the letter your mam has written to you. She has tried to cover every possible outcome and hopefully the letters will come in handy.”

“Dad, are you sure?”

“Of course I am. I’ve held on to a lot of the letters she left me, so if I need her she’s always there. But it’s time for me to move on, I can’t keep holding on to written words.”

“Thank you so much dad.”

“I love you both and unfortunately I am going to have to leave early.”

“Where are you going?”

“There’s someone I need to go see.”

“Do you want me to come with you?”

“No. I need to do this alone.”

“Okay. Call us if you need anything.”

“I will kid.”

++++++++++

John hasn’t visited his wife since her funeral. There’s been days when he thought about it, days when he got in his car and drove all the way before turning around and days when he even stepped out of the car but just couldn’t walk through the gate. There have been a lot of times when he wished he could just walk up to her grave and talk to her but he just couldn’t.

Today is not one of those days.

Today he drives to the cemetery.

Today he gets out of the car and walks through the gate.

Today his son got married and he’s going to tell his wife all about it.


End file.
